Breaking Dawn broke mine …

Or at least my pre-dawn. 😦

This is a rant, and this is NOT a spoiler-free zone. You’ve been warned.

I’m just going to admit it. I am a 34-year-old well-educated mom who, yes, bought tickets to the midnight screening of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1, and went out into the darkness with one of my mom BFFs, all excited to see this latest installment. No, we didn’t dress up in our old bridesmaid dresses, or even our white makeup and black cloaks (even if we’d wanted to… everything in either of our houses that resembles any of that stuff has long been confiscated — and ruined — by little girls).

And … I was crushingly dissapointed. Really, I need a coffee IV today for that? About halfway through the wedding, I started wondering if the whole thing was a practical joke aimed at Twilight fans, like  maybe the director and the actors were literally making fun of the people sitting there in the audience.

Not that those of us sitting in a theater at midnight to watch a teenager marry a sparkly vampire don’t deserve a little ribbing… I just thought it would come from other sources than the film itself.
While there are some decent moments … the actual wedding ceremony itself is quite beautiful, most of the movie leaves much to be desired.

Gone is the subtle humor of the first three movies. The only few glimpses of that we see in this movie are from Billy Burke’s portrayal of Charlie. (I, for one TwiMom, am Team Charlie all the way). His speech at the wedding is the one truly sweet, purposefully humorous moment of the entire movie. (Whichever editors left the rest of the wedding speeches in should be forced to sit and watch it on repeat for days).

There are two other moments in the movie worth watching. The first is when Edward watches Bella come out of the bathroom in a revealing negligee and he falls over laughing, and the second is when he “hears” the baby inside her for the first time. The rest of the movie made me want to pull my hair out.

I get that the source material may have been a bit challenging to work with. Breaking Dawn is far and away my least favorite of the Twilight books. There were plenty of moments in it, though, that could have been fun and fanciful to watch on the big screen. And director Bill Condon ruined nearly every single one of them.

The best parts of the books and the other movies, in my opinion, are the tender little moments that happen between Edward and Bella. I’ll tell you now that the engagement scene in Eclipse surpasses the honeymoon scene by leaps and bounds in terms of sweetness, emotion, and even passion. Heck, the scene in Eclipse where she cuts her finger and he kisses it has more tenderness and genuine connection than any scene in Breaking Dawn, with the possible exception of the scene where he’s kissing her swollen belly — and the audience is overly shorted on that one.

The thing is, I didn’t go into the movie expecting Oscar-worthy material. I didn’t intend to leave thinking “wow, my life was changed by that two hours.” I had realistic expectations, I thought. I was more than willing to suspend my disbelief, and just immerse myself in the rich world of fantasy love. And I just … couldn’t.

I thought that Kristen, Rob, and Taylor did as nice a job as they could possibly have, given a lackluster script and a director who clearly has no love for the story. Billy Burke, for his part, stole the show in the scenes where he appeared. Everyone else… well, it might have been more entertaining (and no less like a self-parody) had all of the actors been replaced by muppets. Or CGI wolves whose internal conversations we can hear.

Eclipse left me craving more time with Jasper, Alice, and Emmett, but all three characters are nearly nonexistent in this installment. And don’t even get me started on Renee, who completely ruined every scene she was in.
I am one disappointed – and tired – mommy today.

Oh… and if you were planning on breaking out the cloaks and makeup in your support of the Volturi — so prominently featured in all of the promo clips and trailers (every single one of the trailers is far superior to the movie) — you, too, will be sadly disappointed. You’ll need to stay in your seat through most of the glaringly obnoxious flashing red and white credits to even see the Italian vampires.

About breeanaputtroff

Writer, teacher, chatter, mom, indie, fun-loving, eclectic!

Posted on November 18, 2011, in Random Thoughts and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. I am so sad to hear this! You know how excited we all were for this movie. Nuts!

    I guess I will go to a matinee so it’s cheaper. Still gotta see the train wreck…

  2. I’m with you on needing the coffee I.V. today, and wish I’d gone on a weekend afternoon rather than last night. I did, however, enjoy the movie a lot more than you did (my opinion is that the original move was the worst of the four).

    I do agree with a lot of what you say though. Renee and Jessica didn’t need to be in the film at all, and ruined the scenes they were in. The wolf scenes were embarrassingly stupid. Also, given how short the honeymoon was, there was no excuse for not using the other actors/actresses more. And…yes…Charlie was the best thing about the whole experience (but I’ve loved Charlie from the first moment I saw him in Twilight).

    And I can’t help it, I still think this installment in the series stayed true to the book far more than the first two. Eclipse was close, too, though. 🙂

    • 🙂 Maybe my expectations were higher than I thought they were, or maybe I was just in a weird mood or something. I really hope so, because I would like to see it again in the future and enjoy myself.

      I do agree that this movie follows the book more closely than some of the others, I just haven’t always been of the opinion in the series that following the book exactly is a great idea. For example, I loved the way Bella’s character was stronger and more self-assured in the Eclipse movie than in the book, and that they never represented the parts where Edward was, literally, having her held hostage.

      I had a moment of hope during the movie that they were going to just skip over the part where she wakes up with the bruises, and then, BAM.

      And, seriously, Jessica’s character subtracted WAY more from the movie than she added to it. 😦 Renee’s character might have been okay, but the acting… eesh. 😦

      • You might like it better the second time around. I went to see Dante’s Peak when it first came out. I could hardly wait to see it because I think Pierce Brosnan is pretty sexy. But I hated every second of the movie. I’m not sure what the run time actually is, but it felt like it was about ten hours long in the theater. Caught it on cable sometime after that and found that I actually liked it then. Same thing with The Day After Tomorrow. Then there are movies that I really loved but, when I see them a few years later, I have to wonder why.

        You are so right about Jessica. The only time I liked her at all in any of the movies is when she was annoyed with Bella for taking off on the motorcycle with that biker. I’m not sure why they turned Renee into a babbling idiot, but I could have lived without seeing her in the movie at all.

        The only thing I really want now is for Stephenie Meyer to write a fifth book that turns Charlie into a vampire. 🙂

    • I hope you’re right. Maybe with my expectations adjusted, I could enjoy it the second time… if I’m not waiting the whole time for it to get better, LOL.

      Ooh… Charlie as a vampire.. 🙂 I sincerely hope Part 2 includes the scene where Jacob transforms in front of Charlie.

      • Oh I hope so, too! Billy Burke is SO great with the facial expressions and tones of voice I can just picture his reaction. If they do, I’d bet that the picture I have in my head will match up with what I see on the scene. Especially the part where Jacob takes off his clothes. LOL…I have to grin just thinking about Charlie’s fact then.

  3. I heart breakingly agree with this post…;/ My cousin and I are also in our thirties and we went to a marathon event where they played all three previous movies, then BD at midnight. We sat there for all those hours and then the movie wasn’t that great. It was one really long preview. There was too much music scenes with no dialogue and the whole movie I was waiting for it to start and then it was over. I still love Twilight, but boooo!!!

    • This! I, too, spent the entire movie wondering when it was going to start… or at least when the “good part” was going to start. Way too many scenes where the music overpowered what was going on, or where it was just music and no dialogue. None of the great banter that’s always been so much fun to read/watch between the characters. 😦

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